american idiot

A simple way to find out how much time your company or department is wasting through putting out other people's fires. All right, all right! This is a little harsh, I know. We don’t get to shoot the idiots. No, this isn’t a diatribe against arsonists, although anyone who’s seen a lovely stand of trees burned where one of these criminal types has been at work might agree with this solution. This little essay is about time, your time, and how much of it you spend handling things that have nothing to do with getting out the products you are paid to create.

When I was teaching Total Quality Management I had Problem Solving Teams run the following exercise in a selected departments. It was a successful way of finding problem areas for process improvement. This particular exercise could be applied to any department. I have run it on production lines, HR, Billing, Shipping & Receiving and many others.

Before I began the exercise I had a meeting with the personnel of the selected department. After describing what I meant by ‘fires’, I asked them the following question. ‘For any given week what percentage of your time is spent putting out fires?’ This question was asked of each individual in the group and I wrote each person’s answer on a white board. The more emotional said 60% to 70%. Those who worried someone in the class would think they were complaining, said 5%. The larger number of the group members thought about it and gave me their most realistic number.

In none of these exercises was this number ever less than 20%! That’s right, 20%. If you are the CFO or someone who pays the bills and salaries of your organization, this is the place where you scream in agony and start looking for someone to shoot. Don’t shoot anyone. It won’t help. You’ll just get new fires.

Here’s how the exercise was run. Each of the participating employees was given the following items at the start: A categorized Talley Sheet to log events, a stop watch and a little fireman’s hat I bought at a specialty store. They were given the following instructions. Every time you have to handle an event that does not relate to the production of those things you were hired to handle, start the stopwatch. Write a brief description of the ‘Fire’; log the time it started and the time you put it out or simply dropped it. Usually I asked for categories of ‘Fires’ from the students or provides them with a canned list. The list included things like: phone calls not related to job, requests to solve problems not related to the work, deliverables promised but not delivered, meetings that they should not have attended or that wallowed in irrelevancies, and on and on.

You’ve probably added ten categories of your own. The fireman’s hat was put up in their work area to remind them that the exercise was on going. Yes, it was necessary to go around and get people to be disciplined about taking data. It was necessary to be very firm and persuasive about it.

Usually I ran the exercise for one or two weeks. The rule is; be sure you get sufficient data that if you present your findings to management it is statistically convincing. At the end of the exercise period the group would meet and do Pareto charts of their findings. Then they analyzed and put dollar values (including overhead) of the lost time for every category of ‘Fire’. I would have them do the numbers for the two-week period, a quarter and a year. To say that the numbers were an eye opener is a vast understatement.

People are smarter than think. They asked, if everyone is averaging the same amount of lost time what are the numbers for the whole company for a year? The number is always in millions. That’s correct, millions.

Fires are upsetting. Putting out fires at work mean jobs you were supposed to be doing not getting done, schedules being delayed, you being so frustrated by the foolishness of it all that you snap at your co-workers, who then go off and snap at everyone else.

Just as a fire in a community or forest can affect many lives, so can a fire at work. If you wanted to be a fireman, you’d be out riding a bright red truck and sliding down poles. The best way to fight fire is prevention. Ferret out every possible source and get rid of it. And finally, if nothing else works shoot the idiots who start them – metaphorically of course.

About the Author

Mr. Ladew has traveled and worked all over the world. He spent many years as an aerospace engineer. He works as a technical writer and trainer. Mr. Ladew is also a novelist (2 books published), writes articles, essays, short stories and Haiku. he has also written a best selling business book for mid-level supervisors.

Are you a guy who’s interested not only in dating beautiful women, even celebrities, but would like to get beautiful women to approach YOU first Can it really be done The answer is an unqualified “yes” IF you know what to say and do, and what to avoid saying and doing.

Most guys have no clue about the day to day life of stunningly beautiful women. They have no idea how many times a DAY these beautiful women are approached by guys whose obvious interest is to “sex them up.” And for celebrities, it’s even worse. Day in, and day out they hear the same thing: “oh you’re such beautiful women… do you have boyfriends… can I take you out…” and on and on and on. Beautiful women simply become numb to guys asking them these questions, and tune them out.

Now, that’s not to say these beautiful women don’t want to meet men… because they do. Many of them desperately. But beautiful women like a guy who’ll say something different to them, something unusual, something that will create attraction in them. And most of all beautiful women crave a man who “defines authority” for them, one who is not intimidated by their looks or fame. Let me give you an example.

I’m in the business of teaching other guys how to get desirable, beautiful women to approach them first for a date, no matter their looks, age or income see www.womenapproachyou.com. And while I rarely take clients, occasionally I’ll make a mistake and let someone talk me into helping them.

A few weeks ago I was working with a guy who was desperately in need of help. Like I always do, I asked him, “What specifically do you want in beautiful women What don’t you want And most importantly, what’s your ideal experience with a woman” Most of guys, of course, have no specific answers to these questions—and if you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s extremely difficult to achieve any measure of success—whether with beautiful women or in any area of your life.

This guy, amazingly enough, didn’t pause with his answer: “I’d like to sex Paris Hilton—and other beautiful women” he leered. I was a bit taken aback—apparently I don’t speak the “new lingo.” “Sex Paris Hilton,” I said. “What the heck does that mean, sex Paris Hilton”

“It means I’d like to get with her you know, sex her up, sex Paris Hilton—or a woman like her.” Ah-ha. “So your goal is to share a few adventures with celebrities, or beautiful women who look like celebrities” He nodded eagerly—“I’ll settle for a look-alike,” he said, “but what do I say, what do I do to get beautiful women to even speak to me”

Here’s what I told him in regards to beautiful women: first off, get all thoughts of lust out of your head. If you want to spend time with beautiful women, you need to get to know them as people first.

Here’s what to do: when you see a beautiful woman or beautiful women you want to approach, look her in the eye, and smile slightly, using your “naughty little boy smile.” Your intent is to make her smile back at you, while you continue to hold her gaze, and smile wider and “naughtier.” Look for something unusual about her that few other guys would notice, and bring it to her attention. For example:

“You look like a well-conditioned athlete… what are you training for”

“Hmmm, that’s a most unusual tattoo… what made you decide to get that particular one”

“That’s a very professional looking business suit… what’s the occasion for dressing so professionally”

“You have a great energy, much like my friends in the martial arts… what kind of physical training do you do to have such a great energy… or is it just natural”

Or if all else fails, “What are smiling about… remembering something that makes you grin”

The key is to notice something about her environment, and ask her an open ended question letting her know you’re sincerely curious about her. Don’t tell her, “you’re a beautiful woman and I like beautiful women.” She’s heard that. You want to give her an opportunity to talk about herself, something few guys ever do. They’re trying to impress her, instead of shutting up, listening and letting her impress herself about you.

By doing this, you let her know you’re interested in her as a person as opposed to a sweaty piece of meat, that you appreciate her beauty and beautiful women but you’re not intimidated or especially impressed by it, and that you need to hear more before you let her into your life. When you do this, you will stand out from the crowd that asks her the same questions over and over and over—and she’ll be more than happy to pick YOU up! for more great tips, see www.womenapproachyou.com

About The Author

John Alanis is the author of “Secrets of Natural Attraction: How to Get Desirable, Beautiful Women to Chase You.” He also publishes a daily “politically incorrect attraction and dating tips” newsletter that reveals, in detail, how to get desirable, beautiful women to approach men for a date first, no matter your looks, age or income. You can subscribe to John’s daily secret by going to http://www.womenapproachyou.com Upon subscription, John immediately sends you five free “how to get beautiful women to approach you!” reports.

Weve all read about personal goal setting. Weve all tried it. According to the stats, most of the time we all fail.

I often used to slap hand to forehead and mutter through clinched teeth, Idiot! after realizing that I have, yet again failed to accomplish even the simplest of personal goals much less the grand New Years goal. Over the years, though, I have managed to develop a cohesive method for curing this ailment as well as curing the ever-present handprint on my forehead.

Making a positive use of the once negative pet name that I had for myself, I developed Idiots Guide to Goal Setting. Ready to cure the ever-present handprint on your forehead

First, there is one pre-requisite before launching forth.

Before we even get out of the gate, we must first get beyond the list of things that should be our goals and first commit to making ourselves priority and believing that what WE want IS important! Too often we are convinced that what we should do for ourselves is what we want to do for ourselves. This is not the case.

Push aside the should thoughts and focus on what you passionately want for yourself. What are you willing to commit to and see through to the end

In order for this commitment to be different from all of the others you must have a support system that will uphold you when the tide of daily life rigors begins to arrive once again.

This is the essential ingredient that most people dont include when they make a commitment to change. The following 5 steps are designed to help you create a resolution that is clear, specific, and planned out with the necessary support and accountability to make this swing at goal setting one for the records!

5 steps to success with goal setting

1. Keep It Simple!

Theres a temptation, to generate a list of everything youve ever wanted to change. Dont fall for it! Youll have better luck fulfilling one or two goals than you will with a list of fifty.

2. Be Specific

Lets say your goal is to create a better balanced life between health, relationships, and work. Word this carefully. Try not to think of it as "I am going to balance my life." Thats a tall glass of stress ready to be gulped! It forces you into thinking of the resolution as something you must do, not something you want to do.

Make it sound a little gentler: "Im now going to explore different ways of balancing my life." This also suggests more of a plan. You will fulfill the goal by experimenting with strategies for life balance.

The first phrasing sounds as if youre going to force yourself to have a balanced life by sheer willpower.

3. Make the Plan

Once you know what your goal is, plan it out in clear steps. Your plan doesnt have to be a complicated one. Start by answering the question, What is the first step I need to take toward accomplishing my goal

For life balance, it might look like this: Work no more than 40 hours a week Walk 3 times a week Create a date night for significant relationships

4. Write it Down

Write down your goal and your plan of action. Stick it up on the fridge or in your office. Write in the activities in your day timer or wherever you know youll see it. That way youll have a constant reminder of the resolution.

5. Get Support! In order for this goal to be different from all of the others you have set, you must first have a support system that will uphold you when the tide of daily life rigors begins to rise. This is the essential ingredient that most people dont include when they make a commitment to change. All of the previous steps hinge on this one!

Personal or Life Coaching is a perfect example of such support. Accountability, guidance and clarity are the prime focuses of these practitioners. Coaching sessions are devoted completely to setting and accomplishing your goals. Unlike family and friends, a coach is objective, well trained and committed to seeing your goals come to fruition.

Regardless of the goals you set for yourself, what is most important is making yourself priority and committing to living the best life possible with the minimal amount of handprints on your forehead!

© 2004 by Dr. Robert A. Eubanks

Article URL: http://www.bridgetosolutions.com/pages/9/index.htm

Terms of use: This article may be published electronically or in print, as long as the byline at the end of the article is included without alteration.

About The Author

Dr. Robert A. Eubanks is the founder of Bridge to Solutions Coaching. He coaches people around the country via telephone to improve organization, time management, goal setting and to create the best darn life possible! For a free 30 minute coaching session, e-mail bridgetosolutions@yahoo.com or visit www.bridgetosolutions.com.

Heather had been dating Ben for a little over two months. She quite enjoyed his company but was beginning to realize he was not the man for her. She wasnt so much physically attracted to him as she was entertained by his offbeat sense of humor and his sense of the ridiculous. Theyd had some great times together but she was contemplating giving him the “lets just be friends” speech.

On the night of her twenty-eighth birthday, Ben told her he had something special in store for her. Heather felt a twinge of discomfort but told herself she was overreacting. Ben tended to over-dramatize ordinary events, which was part of what made him fun. They enjoyed a fabulous dinner at a beautiful restaurant, then returned to Bens place so he could present her with his gift.

Heather was amused to discover that Ben had set up a treasure hunt in his apartment. In each of the rooms hed planted objects containing small folded notes. On each note hes written an obscure message which would lead her to the next clue. Ben pointed out the location of the first clue, then left her to discover the rest.

Heathers anxiety began to mount as she reached the sixth clue. She found it in Bens walk-in closet, just after she stumbled across three long dart blowers hidden behind his clothes. Shed already noticed the gun cases under the bed. At that moment Ben called out from the living room, “As soon as you find it, Ill shoot us!” Her imagination went into overdrive.

Two minutes later she found the box. It was large and beautifully wrapped. Inside it was a smaller box, and inside that one a third. When she opened the fourth box she saw the diamond ring. Heather was stunned.

By now Ben was beside her. He looked at her face and decided she was overcome with gratitude. “You dont have to say anything now,” he murmured. “Just nod if you want to marry me.”

Heather calculated her chances. Did he have any poison darts handy Could she reach the front door before he opened a gun case No, she decided. Shed have to tough it out.

“What on earth possessed you to buy this for me” she blurted.

Ben hesitated but quickly recovered. “It doesnt have to be an engagement ring,” he backpedaled. “Just accept it as a birthday gift. You can always change your mind later.”

“But I cant accept something like this,” Heather explained. “I cant stand wearing jewelry.”

Ben was so caught up in his fantasy that he hadnt noticed the blatantly obvious. On both counts.

Heather was relieved to discover that the only shooting Ben intended that night was with his camera. But the celebratory mood was over and she left shortly afterwards, minus the ring. She didnt go out with Ben again.

Have you ever miscalculated with a gift Perhaps not as blatantly as Ben did but there may have been times when you gave the wrong thing to the right person or the right thing to the wrong person. And then wondered why they didnt seem particularly grateful.

Gift giving involves thought and a certain amount of premeditation. If you dont know what to buy, ask. It doesnt have to be the person himself or herself; you can ask their father, mother, sister or best friend. Just make sure its someone who knows them well and can tell you what they would like. And dont count on someones response on a previous occasion. Many people wont tell you if they dont appreciate a gift in an effort to spare your feelings.

Putting thought into your gift selection is usually worth the effort. And perhaps the best thing about receiving a gift you love is the feeling that the other person knows you so well that they knew exactly what to choose.

About The Author

Marguerite Bonneville is a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLP whose passion is publishing information online. She is a contributing writer at http://www.romantic-gift-ideas-online.com, a resource site dedicated to helping visitors find the perfect romantic gift.

When Bob Hope moved into television, he lost the opportunity to hold his script in his hand , something he had gotten used to working in radio. The presentation would look too stiff to his audience. He tried to memorize his monologues, but that proved to be too cumbersome of a task and it took away from his golf game. The solution was cue cards, or idiot cards as they are known in the industry. This worked well for the performer, but was hazardous for others. On one of Hopes early NBC broadcasts a well meaning assistant director held up the cards so his star could read them, then tossed them back over his shoulder almost decapitating several members of the studio audience.

Idiot cards are a way for performers to lose the respect of their co-stars. James Caan, Robert Duvall and the rest of the cast of the 1972 classic, The Godfather , were thrilled to meet the star of the movie Marlon Brando. Actor Lenny Montana, who played the thuggish character Luca Brasi was so in awe of Brando he kept fumbling his lines when they both shared the same scenes. Director Francis Ford Coppola made it work by having the character of Luca nervously rehearse what he was going to say prior to meeting the Don, making the situation appear seamless. But if Montana was willing, if unable to learn his lines, Brando was not. In his scenes there were cue cards everywhere, causing Duvall to yell at him," Marlon, why dont you learn your lines you fat #*^%*@!"

Brando stubbornly refused to change. A year later when performing in the controversial and sex charged Last Tango In Paris he wrote some of his lines on the bottom of his shoe and in a few scenes had to hop around awkwardly to read them.

For some actors, idiot cards are the ultimate security blanket. Shortly before he died the great John Barrymore had a scene where he only had to deliver one line: "Yes". Dutifully, his personal assistant stood ready to hold up a cue card. One of the film techs informed the director that Barrymores helper was standing in the way, they would not be able to light the scene properly. The director waited for his star to arrive. "Jack, Can I talk to you" "Certainly." "Would it be possible for you do this one scene without your idiot card" "Absolutely Not". The director sighed," Jack you only have to say yes, thats it. What happens if I order your friend to leave" Barrymore looked at him coldly. "I might say no." In the end new lighting arrangements were made.

About The Author

Stephen Schochet is the author and narrator of the audiobooks Fascinating Walt Disney and Tales Of Hollywood. The Saint Louis Post Dispatch says," these two elaborate productions are exceptionally entertaining." Hear realaudio samples of these great, unique gifts at www.hollywoodstories.com. orgofhlly@aol.com

When Bob Hope moved into television, he lost the opportunity to hold his script in his hand , something he had gotten used to working in radio. The presentation would look too stiff to his audience. He tried to memorize his monologues, but that proved to be too cumbersome of a task and it took away from his golf game. The solution was cue cards, or idiot cards as they are known in the industry. This worked well for the performer, but was hazardous for others. On one of Hope's early NBC broadcasts a well meaning assistant director held up the cards so his star could read them, then tossed them back over his shoulder almost decapitating several members of the studio audience.

Idiot cards are a way for performers to lose the respect of their co-stars. James Caan, Robert Duvall and the rest of the cast of the 1972 classic, The Godfather , were thrilled to meet the star of the movie Marlon Brando. Actor Lenny Montana, who played the thuggish character Luca Brasi was so in awe of Brando he kept fumbling his lines when they both shared the same scenes. Director Francis Ford Coppola made it work by having the character of Luca nervously rehearse what he was going to say prior to meeting the Don, making the situation appear seamless. But if Montana was willing, if unable to learn his lines, Brando was not. In his scenes there were cue cards everywhere, causing Duvall to yell at him," Marlon, why don't you learn your lines you fat #*^%*@!"

Brando stubbornly refused to change. A year later when performing in the controversial and sex charged Last Tango In Paris he wrote some of his lines on the bottom of his shoe and in a few scenes had to hop around awkwardly to read them.

For some actors, idiot cards are the ultimate security blanket. Shortly before he died the great John Barrymore had a scene where he only had to deliver one line: "Yes". Dutifully, his personal assistant stood ready to hold up a cue card. One of the film techs informed the director that Barrymore's helper was standing in the way, they would not be able to light the scene properly. The director waited for his star to arrive. "Jack, Can I talk to you?" "Certainly." "Would it be possible for you do this one scene without your idiot card?" "Absolutely Not". The director sighed," Jack you only have to say yes, that's it. What happens if I order your friend to leave?" Barrymore looked at him coldly. "I might say no." In the end new lighting arrangements were made.

Stephen Schochet is the author and narrator of the audiobooks Fascinating Walt Disney and Tales Of Hollywood. The Saint Louis Post Dispatch says," these two elaborate productions are exceptionally entertaining." Hear realaudio samples of these great, unique gifts at www.hollywoodstories.com.

orgofhlly@aol.com

About the Author

Marguerite Bonneville is a former NLP Master practitioner who now works full-time creating informational web sites. Her latest project is a joint venture site called Romantic Gift Ideas Online, located at http://www.romantic-gift-ideas-online.com

Recently I received an email from someone who had read one of my articles online. This reader told me that, while reading my article, she had noticed that I had used "their" where I needed "they're." A simple mistake, but one that could have been avoided with a little better proofreading on my part. I would have been pleased to receive this reminder to be more astute, but the message didn't stop there. The reader went on to call me, among other things, an idiot.

Now we all make mistakes, and we all have our pet peeves. (Mine happens to be dawdlers.) Clearly this reader's peeve is the mixing up of homonyms, and my mistake made me a criminal in her eyes. Thus, hidden behind the anonymity of email, she attacked.

As a frequently published author, I am used to criticism, and always open to a reminder to pay more attention, even if that reminder stings a little at the time. I am not, however, nor do I think I will ever be, open to being called an idiot. Was I upset by this person? Mildly. Do I think there's a problem with web etiquette in general? Absolutely. The insulting reader wasn't doing anything different than so many other self-appointed web critics do all the time.

The basic problem with web etiquette lies in the inherent anonymity of e-correspondence. The fact that we can't see someone, or hear their voice, does not entitle us to treat them rudely. Anonymity makes us bold, and some of us tend to forget our manners when sending emails or posting on discussion boards. I have a feeling that if this reader had been speaking to me face to face the word "idiot" would never have been invoked.

Think about it, when dealing with mistakes or service problems in person, we always try to be polite while still getting our point across, right? That is a basic social rule, but one that has been all but thrown away on the web. I have read atrocious things online that I believe never would have been spoken aloud had the people involved been in the same room together.

Let's try to bring good old fashioned manners to the web. When composing an email involving a complaint or a correction, write it as though you will be reading it aloud to the person you're writing to. Yes, you want to get your point across, but do so without being nasty. When posting on a discussion board, try to keep a conversational, even-tempered tone, even if someone has attacked your statement or question. Rise above the situation and keep things polite and decorous. If we all remember our manners, the web can be a much friendlier, and more professional place.

Alvin Apple helps everyday people start businesses they will enjoy. Then he teaches them how to succeed. Read all his helpful strategies, including his latest article, "Use Hands-on Marketing to Sell Like Crazy" at http://AlvinApple.com. Reach Alvin at 801-328-9006 or alvin@drnunley.com.

When Bob Hope moved into television, he lost the opportunity to hold his script in his hand , something he had gotten used to working in radio. The presentation would look too stiff to his audience. He tried to memorize his monologues, but that proved to be too cumbersome of a task and it took away from his golf game. The solution was cue cards, or idiot cards as they are known in the industry. This worked well for the performer, but was hazardous for others. On one of Hope's early NBC broadcasts a well meaning assistant director held up the cards so his star could read them, then tossed them back over his shoulder almost decapitating several members of the studio audience.

Idiot cards are a way for performers to lose the respect of their co-stars. James Caan, Robert Duvall and the rest of the cast of the 1972 classic, The Godfather , were thrilled to meet the star of the movie Marlon Brando. Actor Lenny Montana, who played the thuggish character Luca Brasi was so in awe of Brando he kept fumbling his lines when they both shared the same scenes. Director Francis Ford Coppola made it work by having the character of Luca nervously rehearse what he was going to say prior to meeting the Don, making the situation appear seamless. But if Montana was willing, if unable to learn his lines, Brando was not. In his scenes there were cue cards everywhere, causing Duvall to yell at him," Marlon, why don't you learn your lines you fat #*^%*@!"

Brando stubbornly refused to change. A year later when performing in the controversial and sex charged Last Tango In Paris he wrote some of his lines on the bottom of his shoe and in a few scenes had to hop around awkwardly to read them.

For some actors, idiot cards are the ultimate security blanket. Shortly before he died the great John Barrymore had a scene where he only had to deliver one line: "Yes". Dutifully, his personal assistant stood ready to hold up a cue card. One of the film techs informed the director that Barrymore's helper was standing in the way, they would not be able to light the scene properly. The director waited for his star to arrive. "Jack, Can I talk to you?" "Certainly." "Would it be possible for you do this one scene without your idiot card?" "Absolutely Not". The director sighed," Jack you only have to say yes, that's it. What happens if I order your friend to leave?" Barrymore looked at him coldly. "I might say no." In the end new lighting arrangements were made.

Stephen Schochet is the author and narrator of the audiobooks "Fascinating Walt Disney" and "Tales Of Hollywood". The Saint Louis Post Dispatch says," these two elaborate productions are exceptionally entertaining." Hear realaudio samples of these great, unique gifts at www.hollywoodstories.com.

What are you? An electrical outlet waiting for a plug, so you can finally light up the world? Frankly, when I hear the word "soulmate" I tend to give a little shudder, especially when I think about some of the people in my past that I have considered to be my soulmates. Quite frankly, most of my soulmates were idiots! The Buddha would say that they were also my teachers -- people I have known in a previous life time who have come back in this lifetime to teach me a lesson. Boy did they, but unfortunately, it sometimes takes several soul mates to teach us just one lesson. (Hint, hint -- I think the lesson is supposed to be about "letting go" and stop trying to control, or own people -- a common problem in this society.) Most people think that they have found their soulmate just because they feel a strong connection to a person. Unfortunately, that connection may not have anything to do with spirituality at all. It is amazing how lust can convince us that we are spiritually connected to a person. The person may just seem familiar, because they remind you of an ex boyfriend, a parent, or even someone who molested you as a child. I also hate the way the term soulmate is often used by people as an excuse to stay in a relationship where they are clearly being abused ...half the time the abuser is using the concept of the soulmate as blackmail: "but you have to take this crap from me! You're beholden to me. I knew you in another life!" You can tell your soulmate is an idiot, if he left you eight months ago and you feel like he is still hanging around in your aura, or even worse, visiting you in dreams, or plaguing you with unwanted thoughts like "this was really all your fault, you know." Time to evict this tenant from your cosmic field.When it comes to soulmates, I subscribe to Oprah's theory "that everybody is your soul mate." In theory, you don't have to have sex with every soul mate you meet -- a soul mate can also be a child, a relative, a co-worker or even just a good friend. One of the hazards of getting involved sexually and emotionally with someone who we believe was sent to us by God, or who we think was sent to us as "an angel on earth" is that we often become over attached to them and have trouble severing the connection. Notice how anyone you've gotten rid off doesn't qualify as a soulmate... but anyone who dumped you automatically ALWAYS makes the grade ... ironically, you hear most people describe the last person who dumped them as their one and only soulmate. If they were such a great soulmate, then why didn't they stick around to build a future with you? Oh right, your soulmate was an idiot, too. It's O.K. to admit your soulmate is an idiot, by the way. It makes the angels laugh ... Forget meditation. There's nothing that dissolves bad karma faster than a bit of humour.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Sam Steven's metaphysical articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. You can meet Sam Stevens at http://www.psychicrealm.com where she works as a professional psychic. You can also read more of her articles at http://www.newagenotebook.com where she is the staff writer. Currently she is studying technology's impact on the metaphysics.

About the Author: Joel Turtel is the author of “Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public Schools Lie To Parents and Betray Our Children." Website: http://www.mykidsdeservebetter.com, Email: lbooksusa@aol.com, Phone: 718-447-7348.

That would be me! From what I can see, I’m just beginning the second year of a minimum four year sentence as a Village Idiot. I say minimum because the sentence may be extended at any time and without advance notice – written or verbal.

Actually, I’m not treading on unfamiliar turf. I received a similar sentence earlier in my life. If I remember correctly, that one lasted about 14 or 15 years give or take a half dozen years or so. These things tend to get blurry after a while.

My first sentence began when my oldest child was about 13 years old. It continued uninterrupted until somewhere around the time my youngest offspring began to develop a sincere appreciation for early morning physical conditioning and hurried breakfasts in the presence of cranky, uniformed seniors. My current sentence as Village Idiot comes compliments of a teenage granddaughter who is living with us.

For those of you who have lived in a “teenager house”, this really doesn’t require much in the way of explanation, does it? It’s pretty much of an automatic transition for us parents – or grandparents in many cases. Here we are, cruising through life as wonderful, caring, nurturing, wise adults. Then suddenly one morning we wake up with ninety percent of our brains having been mysteriously removed while we slept soundly in our little beds.

We are the result of a negative parental metamorphosis. We have become the slugs of the earth. Pond scum. We are uncaring ogres – trolls guarding the bridge to a teenage life of fun and excitement.

“You don’t care about me anymore!”

“You never listen to me!”

“You hate me!”

“Stop treating me like a baby!”

“But everybody’s doing it!”

“You just don’t understand!”

“You just don’t care!”

The plaque reads “Certified Village Idiot”. Mine has four oak leaf clusters. Not bad - and I must say it does look rather nice on my office wall. I look at it and think about the day when I presented my parents with the exact same document. I remember how difficult – and frustrating - it was to try to make the transition from child to adult. To want the independence so badly without understanding what the word really meant. To desperately believe at the ripe old age of sixteen that I was all “grown up” and ready make my way into the big wide world – or at least to the edge of town.

I remember – and understand at least to some extent, the turmoil, frustration and confusion faced by teenagers. Turmoil that today is made worse by a myriad of temptations and attitudes that just didn’t exist when I was that age. Frustrations that are exacerbated by a brain still in the formative stages. And confusions that are compounded by a bombardment of conflicting messages and lifestyles.

“Certified Village Idiot.” What an awesome responsibility! What a tremendously challenging, potentially rewarding task! What a pain in the butt! (Honesty is good, remember?) All parents are bound to receive this designation sometime in their lives. And all we can do when this happens is dig deep into our patience drawer and continue to do the best we can to provide the guidance, understanding and love that will prepare our blossoming adults to someday accept the very same certificate from their children. Well worth doing, I’d say…

About The Author

Gene Simmons, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog, articles, quotations, thoughts and links along with affordable self-help and self improvement books & materials - all designed to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It's a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/.

gene@nupathz.com

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